How To Be Charismatic

How To Be Charismatic

You've probably been to a conference, a presentation, or even a general meeting, where no one can take their eyes off of the speaker.  Or perhaps you've seen confident leaders within your organization who seem to grab everyone's attention effortlessly.

What these people have in common is charisma. Charism is an "it" factor people are drawn to. 

Charismatic people are often described as:

• Warm and successful
• Strong, confident communicators
• Very likable
• Good listeners
• Interesting

Most people associate charisma with the inherent quality extroverts possess.  However, charisma is something you can learn.  You don't have to be an extrovert to be charismatic. 

Below we've outlined four ways you can become more charismatic.

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1. Focus On Body Language

Part of being charismatic is likeability.  This means people feel welcomed and relaxed around you.  Your body language can significantly impact whether or not people feel this way around you.  If you want to increase your charisma, focus on your body language.

• Facial Expressions - Have you ever heard the phrase, "Your face says it all"?  Most people don't realize what faces they are making.  For example, when you are in a meeting and hear an idea you like, your eyes might get wide and you may start to smile.  On the flip side, if you hear an idea you don't like, you may furrow your brow and curl your lips, indicating disgust.  Charismatic people are very aware of their facial expressions and use them to their advantage.  For example, smiling more can show people you are approachable and welcoming. Take the time to check your facial expressions in a mirror.  Notice if you make faces you didn't intend to. Being aware of your facial expressions is one way to improve your charisma.
• Eye Contact -  When you look someone in the eye, whether speaking or not, you automatically make them feel included.  This is because eye contact shows you are paying attention and interested in the other person. People who have charisma are known for making others feel included and important.  One of the easiest ways to boost your charisma is to make good eye contact with others. For example, when someone else is speaking, look them in the eyes.  You don't need to start a staring competition, but try to look them in the eyes for 2-3 seconds at a time. As the speaker, you need to look at audience members in the eye.  Eye contact not only boosts your likeability, but also shows confidence when communicating.
• Gestures - Often, very charismatic people are considered excellent storytellers.  Part of their ability to tell incredible stories is their use of hand gestures.  Your hand gestures can help bring people into the story with you.  For example, you can use your hands to emphasize a point when you are telling a story.  You can use your gestures to mimic what is happening within the story.  Gestures make what you are saying more interesting to the audience.  Practice making hand gestures as you speak to boost your charisma.

Your body language immediately lets people know how you are feeling.  When you use your body language to express warmth and inclusion, you automatically will be more charismatic.

 

2. Actively Listen

Charismatic people are generally people who everyone remembers.  If you want people to remember you, make sure you are actively listening to them. This means genuinely paying attention to what someone else is saying and engaging in an authentic conversation with them.  There are several ways to improve your listening skills.

• Remove Distractions - Charismatic people make others feel like they are very important.  If you want to be more charismatic, you need to show the person speaking that they are important to you.  You can do this by putting aside what you are doing and giving them your undivided attention.  This means putting away your phone, not checking your watch, turning off whatever you may be listening to, and anything else distracting.  When you do this, you show the other person you really want to hear what they have to say.  You show how important their message is to you.  

• Ask Questions - Part of actively listening is asking the other person questions.  This is because asking questions shows you are interested in hearing more about what the person is saying and that you've remembered what they've said.  Both of these things show you were actively listening.  For example, if someone is speaking and you notice they seem upset, ask why they are upset. Or you can ask them how they are feeling about what they just told you. Genuine interest in others shows you care.  This will make them feel like you believe they are important.
• Respond Appropriately - Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and asked them a question only to have them respond with an answer that makes no sense?  For example, you shared a story about your favorite fishing holes and asked the person where they like to fish, and they respond with, "Oh sure, yeah I go all of the time." At this point, you automatically know the other person wasn't listening to you at all. This is very frustrating. If you want to show genuine interest in another person, you must respond appropriately.  This means you must actively listen to what they are saying and how they are saying it.  For example, if someone is telling you a story, pay attention to their tone of voice.  Are they being sarcastic?  Do they have an undertone of fear? One way to be sure you know the person's intent is to rephrase what they've just said.  You can say something like, "What I heard you say was xyz. Is this what you meant?"  When you respond appropriately, you show you understood what was being said. 

Actively listening shows, you care about the other person and what they are saying.  Being charismatic means showing others, you believe they are important. 

 

3. Speak With Confidence

Charismatic people are confident communicators.  When you are confident in your message, people are more likely to give you their full attention.  To boost your charisma, you will need to speak with confidence.

There are several ways to increase your communications confidence.

• Clear + Concise - Speaking clearly and concisely means you are direct and to the point.  For example, if you need to ask for assistance, you simply ask.  Consider the following two options:

Option #1 - "Hi Lisa, I just was wondering, if you know later today, you wouldn't mind giving me just a few minutes of your time?  I need a little help, here or there, for a project."

Option #2 - "Hi Lisa, would you be available this afternoon to help me with a project?"

As you can see, in the second option, the question for help is concise, clear, and direct.  This shows the confidence you have in yourself and your message.

• Power Words- Your words matter.  If you want your message to stand out, you will want to use power words.  Power words are strategic and intentional words sprinkled throughout the conversation to maintain engagement and conviction.  Power words can help you boost your charisma in two different ways.  The first, is by using the person's name with whom you are speaking.  Using someone's name is a powerful tool because people love to hear their own names.  It helps them feel included and important.  Power words are also words that trigger an emotional response.  These words are very persuasive to the audience.  For example, if you are trying to sell a product, you may describe it as exclusive or limited.  These two words make people feel like they are getting something no one else has. Charismatic people use power words to gain influence, and show confidence when speaking.
• Practice - The more you practice delivering your message, the more confident you will be.  For example, if you give a presentation, you will want to practice your message, but you will also want to practice your delivery.  This means paying attention to your tone of voice, gestures, and flow.  Practice will give you the confidence you need to deliver your message the way you intended. 

Speaking with confidence will make others see you as more charismatic. 

 

4. Be Yourself

Interesting people are thought of as more charismatic.  When you intrigue people, they are more likely to remember you.  If you want to be more charismatic, you need to embrace being you because there is only one you! Instead of trying to be just like everyone else, consider finding the things that make you stand out.

• Embrace Your Interests - Do you like building model planes?  Have you seen every STAR WARS movie ever made?  Your interests are what make you interesting! And the more interesting you are, the more people will want to talk to you.  And the more they want to talk to you and be around you, the more you will be perceived as charismatic. Embracing your interests means being excited to talk about and showcase them. You don't need to come across as obsessed, but having a healthy interest in many things will give you plenty to talk about with others.
• Show You Are Human - Everyone has made mistakes.  These mistakes and imperfections make us all human.  When you are vulnerable with others and share your mishaps, you can connect and build relationships. Charismatic people can connect with others on multiple levels.  The connection will make others remember you.

When you are comfortable with who you are, you will be perceived as confident and charismatic. 

Charisma is a quality you can learn.  Focusing on how you communicate with your body language, and speaking with confidence will boost your charisma. 

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