The Elements Of A Great Conversation

The Elements Of A Great Conversation

Whether you are working at an office, or are in a remote position, you are engaging in conversations every day. These conversations could be in a meeting, via Slack, or on Zoom. Conversations are happening, but the question is - are your conversations great?

In other words, are you a great conversationalist? 

Becoming a great conversationalist will help you communicate with confidence. When you can hone your conversation skills, you will come across as clear, authentic, and engaging.

Conversations are what lead to trust, authority, and opportunity.

The good news is, being confident in your conversation skills is something you can learn. Below are three elements, we believe are keys to a great conversation.

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1. Engagement

When it comes to great conversations, you want to make sure you are engaged. This means limiting your distractions, being clear in your messaging, and overcoming any mental barriers you may have. The more engaged you are, the more meaningful your conversations will be.

Consider the following:

• Limit Distractions - How many times have you been talking on the phone with someone while simultaneously checking your email? Did you miss what the other person said? Distractions are everywhere. However, if you want to participate in a great conversation, you must limit your distractions. If not, the other person will feel like they aren't interesting enough for you. You don't want others to feel this way. Put away your phone if you are having an in-person conversation. If you are in a Zoom meeting, don't open any other internet tabs; stay focused on who is speaking. Remember, when you show engagement, others will do the same when it is your turn to speak.
• Clear Messaging - A great conversation is full of clear messages. Even tricky conversations can end well when you are clear in your messaging. For example, let's say you are about to have a conversation with your co-worker who didn't finish their part of the project on time. In this case, in order for your message to be clear, you will want to consider your tone of voice and word choice when speaking. Your co-worker needs to know how this impacted your part of the project. You most likely will be more serious. If you open the conversation with a joke, your co-worker will get mixed messages about what your intentions are for the conversation. On the flip side, if you are engaging in a conversation about what you did last weekend, your tone and word choice will be more upbeat. Making sure your message is clear will keep everyone engaged.
• Mental Barriers - Mental barriers are those ideas you have about yourself and your communications. These ideas and thoughts interfere with your ability to engage in a great conversation because you second-guess yourself and come across as insecure. In order to stay engaged, you need to remove any mental barriers you have about interpersonal conversations. For example, let's say you've been asked about your weekend activities. You may initially think no one wants to hear about your weekend, which is a mental barrier. Instead, remember you were asked, which means others want to hear and get to know you. By answering, you are creating bonds with others within your organization.

Limiting your distractions, and removing mental barriers will help you send clear messages when engaging in conversations.

 

2. Give And Take

Conversations are all about give and take. This means you leave space for others to speak, and you also share your thoughts. Great conversations are never one-sided. 

Consider the following:

• Body Language - When you are involved in a conversation with another person, you need to be aware of what your body language is saying. You want the other person to feel like you are open to their thoughts and ideas. For example, crossing your arms can make the other person feel like you aren't open to their ideas. Try to keep your arms relaxed. In this way, the other person will feel like they can speak openly.
• Ask Questions - Part of practicing give and take means you are genuinely interested in the other person. One way to show this interest is to ask questions. For example, if your co-worker says they went to the Art Museum over the weekend, you can ask them what their favorite painting was. Or when you are done talking about your weekend, ask the other person how their weekend was. When you ask questions, you keep the conversation moving forward and avoid dominating the conversation.
• Self-Awareness - When you participate in a conversation, you need to practice self-awareness. Self-awareness in a conversation means mentally checking in with yourself to make sure you aren't dominating the conversation or not participating in the conversation. For example, let's say you are talking about your weekend. You had a really great trip, but your story is pretty long. As you are talking, you realize your co-worker hasn't said anything because you've left no space for them to speak. You then decide to take a beat and let them interject. This is self-awareness. On the other hand, if you are only participating with one-word answers or not speaking up when given the chance, you need to practice more self-awareness. Making sure everyone has an opportunity to speak makes for great conversations.

A great conversation includes both people. Practicing a good give is a key element in discussions.

 

3. Listening

Great conversations require listening skills. This is because you have to be able to understand, react, and respond to the person you are speaking with. You also want others to be listening to you. 

Consider how listening can help you have great conversations.

• Non-Verbal Cues - A great conversationalist listens to more than just what the person is saying; they also pay attention to non-verbal cues. For example, as the other person speaks, look for non-verbal cues that will help you understand their message. Non-verbal cues can be body movement, posture, eye contact, and more. These cues will help provide context to what the other person is saying. When you have the right context, you can respond in a way that shows you were actively listening.
• React - The way you react during a conversation will let the other person know you are really listening. There are several ways you can react. For example, your facial expressions are one way you can react to what the other person is saying. If they are telling a funny story you may smile or laugh. However, if what they are saying is more serious, you may furrow your eyebrows. Reacting appropriately while the other person is speaking will show you are genuinely interested in their thoughts.
• Respond - Responding appropriately is part of listening. You can't respond unless you listened. One way you can respond appropriately is to use what the other person said to continue the conversation. For example, you can say something like, "Marcy, the museum sounds like a lot of fun. It reminds me of the time I went to the History Museum in New York." Another way to respond is to rephrase what the other person said. For example, you can say, "Alex, I think what you're trying to say is XYZ, am I right?" When you do this, you give the other person a chance to clarify their message.

Listening is an important element for great conversations. Make sure you are listening to what the other person is saying so you can respond appropriately.

Great conversations can help you achieve career success. Conversations between co-workers and superiors build trust and help you gain visibility from people within your organization.

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